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OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long
Last Post Nov 5, 2009 9:19 AM by: lacylinens
Replies: 63
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debi_991
Posts: 245

OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:39 AM
I just got an email with the subject "emergency".
Yeah, right....SIL (who I cant stand for many, many complex reasons) invited me to the American Girls cafe for a family b-day party for her 5 year old.
Now first of all...I would rather pull my eyelashes out one by one than go to that place. Especially the week before Xmas.
I know this is bad, but I can't stand my neice either...a whiney spoiled brat, just like her mother.
In the email she mentions 3 or 4 different dates, and either lunch or dinner and wants to know which one I can make. So, it's not like I can say "Sorry, cant make it, that day I'm not available".
They live about 8 hours away, but I will be seeing them on Xmas day and will give the brat her presents then.
In addition to all the assorted history, I'm kinda annoyed that my youngest turned 16 recently, and my oldest turned 18 & graduated high school...and they didnt even get so much as a card or phone call from the SIL.
Just a little story to show how she is....I am plus sized...and literally at every family gathering I get this experience....she "whispers" to whoever is next to her (but just loud enough for me to hear) "Don't you just hate fat people"?
So...how do I get out of this without causing a major family rift....FIL & MIL are wonderful people & very old and not in the best of health, and I dont want to upset them.
Any ideas?
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alliebean
Posts: 6,876
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:43 AM
"Sorry but thte fat girl is unable to come."





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colorfeather
Posts: 5,917
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:44 AM
She wants you to drive 8 hours just to come to her little girl's party??
I'd just tell her that that's too far to drive.


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fashion*boulevard
Posts: 12,240
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:44 AM
The party is 8 hours away from you?


If I sell it I don't have to move it



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bigdogsofphilly
Posts: 503
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:47 AM
alliebean wrote:
"Sorry but thte fat girl is unable to come."


You read my mind. I would certainly make it known that you know how she refers to you AND that she declined to even acknowledge events in your family.

It depends on the kind of person you are, personally I would keep it along the lines of, "If you pay for the construction crew to forklift me out of my house again, I will be there with bells on"
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debi_991
Posts: 245
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:47 AM
No....I live in NYC where the cafe is. She is driving the 8 hrs to visit her family for the holidays, and the cafe party is part of her visit.
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evan1290
Posts: 2,240
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:48 AM
I can't imagine why it would cause a "major family rift" if you didn't want to drive 8 hours to go a party for someone who hates you????
Surely the rest of the family knows how she is, & wouldn't be surprised.
Just send your regrets, tell her you're WAY to busy right around the holidays, & mail her a card.
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delfinomemoria
Posts: 10,705
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:52 AM
I'm sorry, we're all booked up with Christmas functions and events, that week but will try to stop by. Otherwise, we'll see you on Christmas day!



Then...don't (stop by).
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gajjd
Posts: 703
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:52 AM
SIL (who I cant stand for many, many complex reasons)

Sound like the way I feel about my SIL and nephew. it has gotten to were we literally plan our vacation the week of my nephews B-day just to avoid them. I do send a gift via MIL.

Glad to know I am not the only one with those issues.
I would just tell SIL that it is to far to drive since you have to make the drive again a week later for Christmas.

Good luck !
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fashion*boulevard
Posts: 12,240
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:54 AM
debi_991 wrote:
No....I live in NYC where the cafe is. She is driving the 8 hrs to visit her family for the holidays, and the cafe party is part of her visit.


Gotcha. How about - "Sorry, we're going to be skiing in Vermont that week as it was part of DD's graduation present and also celebrating other DD's Sweet Sixteen."


If I sell it I don't have to move it



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debi_991
Posts: 245
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:55 AM
It would take too long to get into all the dynamics of DH's family...but.... they wrote the book on passive-aggressive.
I am the only one who doesn't like the SIL....or at least that I know of. They all think she is an angel.
Once I brought up about the whispering issue, and the response was..."you must have misunderstood". Case Closed.
Over the many years, I have said things to them and for the sake of my marriage, I have stopped. Anyway, it never helped.
DH has 5 sisters & no brothers, and they stick together & I am the outsider...which is fine with me.
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*fired-up*
Posts: 3,183
(11 of 63)

Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:55 AM
Dear wicked SIL,

Why would you want me to come to your spoiled brat's BD party, considering I'm one of the "fat people" you "whisper" about? I'm unable to tolerate your rudeness and for your own protection, we've decided against "celebrating" your daughters special day with you. Especially considering the fact that you ignored my daughter's on their birthdays and when my oldest graduated from high school.

Have a nice day and lose my number.

Debi

So...how do I get out of this without causing a major family rift....FIL & MIL are wonderful people & very old and not in the best of health, and I dont want to upset them.

How come it's OK for you to be upset, but nobody else can be? Sorry, but I'm sure they've heard her say those rude things, and they've also seen you say nothing. There has to come a point where self respect takes priority.
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delfinomemoria
Posts: 10,705
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 11:55 AM
fashion*boulevard wrote:
debi_991 wrote:
No....I live in NYC where the cafe is. She is driving the 8 hrs to visit her family for the holidays, and the cafe party is part of her visit.


Gotcha. How about - "Sorry, we're going to be skiing in Vermont that week as it was part of DD's graduation present and also celebrating other DD's Sweet Sixteen."


Ohhh, that's great-love it! ]:) lol
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evan1290
Posts: 2,240
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 12:08 PM
Well, if you insist on taking the high road ;)
I could easily be busy on 4 different times the week before Christmas.
The first night she proposes? Christmas concert at school.
The next? Hubby''s work party, sorry, can't possibly miss that.
The lunch time she suggested? Oh no, cookie exchange at church, and darn--I promised I'd help out!
Any other time? You have tickets to see the Rockettes then.
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sea*dreams
Posts: 1,931
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Re: OT: Help me get out of this invite...sorry, long

Nov 3, 2009 12:08 PM
If you elect not to attend will DH support your decision? If so then I recommend a response like this:

Dear SIL

Thanks for the invitation.

Please convey our best wishes to (what's her name); and our regrets that we won't be attending. We hope her party is most enjoyable, and will be popping a card in the mail to her shortly.

Warmest regards,
(You and DH)
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